My Freedom

Thursday, July 15, 2010

In Search Of...

I've read so much about friendship, lasting friendship, true friends, and so on, that the grey area seems like an ocean and the islands are spread farther apart. Yet jaded as I am, I've learned a few things about friendship and I constantly sift through the countless acquaintances and relations, always on the lookout for that unpolished jewel that lasts forever. They are not so easy to find you know. The merry mix isn't at all pleasant and they can lead you into so many blind corners. There are friendships that gleam at first and you're blinded by their beauty. Then they fade like a cheap lightbulb. There are those that moisten their lips and kiss your existence with praises. Then they turn into leeches that drop away when sated. However, there are others that blend with the scenery and it's difficult to notice them. Then slowly they bloom and develop depth, never to be forgotten.

Years ago, I met an older woman in Koln whom we all regarded as mother. In the short time we were there, we became very close so that when the time to part came, it was difficult for me. Then she told me something I will never forget. True friends, she said, wherever they are, no matter how far apart, shall remain that. When they meet, they shall simply start where they left off and begin the cycle once again. No gaps. No pretenses and most certainly, no sadness.

I admit that I have acquired some really interesting jewels in my heart's closet and they remain there still, safely tucked away until my last breath. They know who they are, confident in our friendship and needing nothing else. For those who whine away over errant friends, "fake" friends and "f_king" friends, remember only one thing: use or abuse them... and you lose them. Another thing, the moment you demand that they be with you in your time of need, YOU are not a friend and they have become nothing but crutches. True friends come anyway whatever weather in your life.

P.S. So let's stop wasting our jewels. We have to be reminded that we have to HELP OURSELVES FIRST and not rely on those around us to fight our battles for us. That's watching too many cavalry movies.

-From an older blog, "Grey Matter Extensions: Things that go bump between the ears"

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The End?

No the journey doesn't end here.
Death is just another path.
One that we all must take.

The gray rain curtain of this world
rolls back and all turns to silver glass
and then you see it...

White shores and beyond...
a far green country
under a swift sunrise.

-Gandalf The Grey


Emptiness is a deviant world where color has no meaning and love is but a memory. Its sky is forever a shade below pale, w/ a paste-up moon hanging on wasted dreams. Its streets are lined with the dried shells of lost hopes, echoing the mournful cries of twisted souls who once dared but lost, tried but failed. Souls of dreamers who took a chance and are thus left chained to nothing but the promise of a whisper.

The Diplomacy of Olympus

How do we deal with people? Better still, how do we deal with people we don't want to deal with in the first place? How much can we take and how much snakes can we keep from bursting out of our mouths so that, like heat-seeking missiles, they find their way into the hearts of these vermin we so passionately hate?

Relax. Pray. Torture your Barbie. Etcetera. No matter, the moment is not without its resbak, the day ends and a new day begins... the circle completed, you have no choice (slave!) but to meet people once again. They are part of life!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I worked at an office and one day, a group of visiting kulturati, really, old veterans who have made their mark in the field of arts... comes waltzing in.  Immediately, they scoop up some of our displays, our posters and command one of us to prepare the artifacts they've chosen for transport (not request mind you, command as in, do this peon!).  The resident O.C. that I am immediately swings into action. "Hey! You can't just barge in here and do that..."

And I am immediately put in my place... like the poor little fish stung by the invisible poisonous strings of the Port’ Man O War. "How dare you rebuke us? Is that the way to talk with someone senior? Aren’t you Tagalog, you don't know how to say PO? ... To think I KNOW your parents!" (Great, now not only am I going to lose my job, I’m getting a spanking as well...)

I just stood there absorbing all these sh_t from these older citizens of art Olympus and several thoughts boil in my head... yes, how do we deal with people? Particularly “these” people. The Don Corleone resident evil in my head says "with respect". But doesn't the word respect go together with the word "mutual"? The incredible hulk lurking neath my inner temple shouts “kill! Smash! Destroy!” But the cowardly Peewee Herman that I am says peace bro; she can kill you with those lethal stilettos! Then, the mother-like dweller of my left hemisphere coaxes, diplomacy.

Diplomacy? But isn't that a political word? Isn’t it that it means "compromise" in the real world? I’ve seen it among neighbors, more formidable than the fences that surround them. It is the unspoken “I don't care what you do, so why should you care what I do?”, otherwise called the “dedma” syndrome. I’ve seen it quite often among squabbling siblings, let's do this for mother, she's sick you know...

Ah diplomacy, the glue that keeps the world together. But wait, whatever happened to mutual and respect? Alas, I took the road less traveled. 

Go in peace Peewee and build your own world!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Lest We Forget

The land weeps and bleeds from under my feet, 
yet there are times when I feel nothing. 
No tremors of unrest break out from my heart.  
It's just the purring of contented heartbeats that go 
throb-throb in its usual pace so that I am, 
conveniently alive. 
The visual assault of everyday makes me what I 
regrettably am sometimes
too numb to listen  to the scratching sound of despair. 
Too blind to believe that the tears
are rainfall in a loved one's cheeks.
These, plus the full volume of earphones 
cushion me from all ugliness,  as though beauty
were life's only worthy price.

Alas, I reckon I'd hear my earth's cry very soon
when this heart is still. 
I hear it now. 
Listen with me. 

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I try to reach you but your mind is far away
I try to hold your hand but still your eyes stray
I try to make you songs
but you didn't seem to mind
it seems to me
you're engrossed in your own time
I'm leaning on hopes
I'm leaning on dreams
I'm leaning on practically everything
that is you.

And there were times
when it seemed I was breaking through your walls
just to find another that's
just as tall
at nights I'm always hoping
but baby it ain't all
I love you.